Best lines from Fernando Torres’s post West Ham match interview

Take that, Hammers!

10. I’m celebrating with a haircut and a shave! Erm, well, a haircut.
9. To score against a title contender like West Ham meant a lot.
8. I couldn’t have done it without my friends Dzeko, Balotelli, and Chamakh. They taught me scoring isn’t everything.
7. Am I famous enough at Chelsea yet to sleep with Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend?
6. My grandpa came into the dressing room to wish me well. I say to him, “How well you move without your wheelchair!” Turns out it was Didier.
5. What’s 50 million divided by 1?
4. I’d like to say I’m on form, but I’m told a streak is defined by two goals.
3. Gary Lineker rung me before the match. “If you shit yourself, people will forget how shit you are.” Luckily it was plan B.
2. To William and Kate, may your marriage be like my transfer: expensive, overhyped, and destined to end before the contract is up.
1. Here’s to the next 908 minutes!

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