Because sometimes the Tuesday 10 goes to XI:
This week, in honor of the Electronic Entertainment Expo going on this week in LA, we bring you the ultimate video game icon squad.
GK – Pong Paddle — The drawback, his tendency to punch everything out rather than catching it, is more than made up for by his anticipation.
LB – Chun Li — Can and will kick the crap out of you. Or anyone else who tries to come down our left flank.
CB – Luigi -— We go with the taller brother as the starter, but anytime you can get a pair of centerbacks who can jump five times their body height, you’ve got to keep them in the rotation.
CB – Pac-Man — Though dogged by accusations of performance-enhancing power pellets, the little yellow circle’s covering more ground than ever these days.
RB – Chell — Lest you think my video game knowledge ended 12 years ago. That portal gun allows her to help out on offense and still get back on defense.
DM – Zidane Tribal — The reference comes full circle, though we’ve pushed this Zidane, the protagonist in Final Fantasy IX, further back into the midfield, a fitting place for a thief.
CM – Johnny Cage — We were going to take Johnny Cage as an additional midfield enforcer for his shadow-kicking, nad-punching ways, but Wikipedia says he was modeled after Jean Claude Van Damme. Done.
LW – Tecmo Bo
Start the video. Watch a little bit, then go read the rest of the article. Then scroll back up. He’s still going, isn’t he? That’s all one run. No one in video game history is better at evading tackles and getting to the end line. Just ask Bill Simmons. Or Bo Jackson himself.
AM – Link — Link’s made his living solving puzzles and unlocking doors with a variety of gadgets and physical activity. Sounds like a perfect playmaker.
RW – Sonic the Hedgehog — I swear I once saw Lionel Messi described as “football’s Sonic the Hedgehog,” but when I search for the quote all I can find is Sid Lowe calling Dani Alves that. No matter. He’s still our right winger, for obvious reasons.
CF – Mega Man — No one has a wider variety of shots. From any distance, any angle, with any amount of enemies…err, defenders, around him, he’s got the weapon to score. Plus, long before Mario dipped his toes into the waters of the beautiful game, there was this: