Because sometimes the Tuesday 10 goes to XI…
There’s nothing crueler for a soccer fan than the three month summer hiatus from European football. Sure, there’s the after-work entertainment of the MLS, and yes, international fixtures provide a much needed reprieve, but we still crave the glitz of England, Spain, and Italy like a tapeworm craves steak. My summer ritual? Pop on the headphones, put Carly Simon’s “Anticipation” on loop, and refresh my browser incessantly hoping for a mega transfer to break. If you’re wondering who to keep tabs on, this week’s Tuesday XI is a line-up of the big names likely to move in the coming weeks (and a couple who already did). The catch? All the names are anagrams. Because we can.
Manager: “Amicable Loser” (Marcelo Bielsa) – Inspired by our attack-oriented formation, Marcelo Bielsa was a clear inclusion as coach. Can he bring Bilbao to the same glory as Chile, or will he simply be a nice guy finishing last?
Left Back: “Coos Shakily” (Aly Cissokho) – If the French leftback indeed replaces his outgoing compatriot at Arsenal, he’ll certainly be nervous in the new look Gunners side.
Center Back: “Lyrical Hag” (Gary Cahill) – Completing the Arsenal transfer rumor backline trifecta is another overrated English defender.
Right Back: “A Barefoot Icon” (Fabio Coentrao) – Boots on or off, he’s made splashes at Benfica and will certainly terrorize La Liga’s wings.
Left Mid: “O, Ugly Hyenas!” (Ashley Young) – There’s no sense to this anagram, but it was too poetic not to include.
Center Mid: “Generic Looker” (Nigel Reo-Coker) – He may look the part, but he’s really quite average.
Right Mid: “Clamour Kid” (Luka Modric) – He’s created a lot of buzz in England, and now it looks like he’ll stay with Spurs. Shame.
Attacking Mid: “Need Jewelry, Sis?” (Wesley Sneijder) – Sneijder’s contract is certain to grow if he moves to United, and you can be sure he’ll be sending plenty of gifts home to Holland.
Left Forward: “Evil Donkey” (Kevin Doyle) – Is this the answer to your problems, Wenger?
Right Forward: “Asinine Proverb” (Robin van Persie) – The countless inane adages about RVP’s quality may disappear if he exits this summer.
Striker: “Llama, or Facade?” (Radamel Falcao) – Because I can’t be the only one who thinks he looks like Kuzco from The Emperor’s New Groove.