Because sometimes the Tuesday 10 goes to XI.
We had started playing around with this lineup a few weeks ago, shortly after we did the Real American Heroes. But given last weekend’s introduction of Toronto FC in Kansas City (the video of which, sadly, seems to have been removed, but the picture above should give you a good idea) we figured it was the perfect time to trot it out.
Wayne Gretzky – GK — Everyone knows the goalie is the most important member of a team in hockey, so why wouldn’t we get the greatest hockey player ever to be our goalie?
Bob McKenzie – LB — The Canadian Fabio da Silva.
Dudley Do-Right – CB — Something of an old-fashioned, lumbering center half, his occasional antics are forgiven when he saves the day at the last possible second.
Doug McKenzie – RB — The Canadian John O’Shea.
Tommy Douglas – LM — “Who?” you no doubt say (Unless you really are Canadian, in which case, our apologies for the entire list). To which we reply, “We have no idea, but he’s apparently the Greatest Canadian, according to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.”
No, just kidding. Douglas, a former premier of Saskatchewan, introduced single-payer health care to Canada. Given his history of expanding service to all Canadians, Douglas would make a perfect touchline hugging, cross-delivering wide midfielder.
Wolverine – CM — This punishing central midfielder has never missed a game for club or country, ever, since his debut as an 18-year-old in 1900.
Alex Trebek – CM — Possesses insightful passing, but is also surprisingly hardy in defense. Playmakers wary of his partner’s aggression may underestimate just how impressive the diminutive quiz show master is in the tackle. Believe me when I say that Mr. Trebek doesn’t take shit from anyone, especially when you refer to him as diminutive.
Scott Pilgrim – RM — Less of a support player than Douglas, Pilgrim can get lost in the game sometimes, but is a devastating attacker when he snaps back into focus.
Alexander Graham Bell – CAM — Has a knack for establishing connections with the rest of the team, and making the most of them. And yes, he was born in Scotland, but Canada claims him.
Billy Bishop – CF — Fact: All World War I flying aces were tremendous badasses. Air Marshal Bishop scored 72 kills in Europe, which makes him either third or fourth all-time World War I ace, depending on how much stake you put in Mick Mannock’s biographers. At any rate, for his agility, adaptability, ability in the air, and his tremendous shot, Bishop is our forward.