Some of you likely have a couple of more weeks before the schoolhouse doors open again, but here in Other 87 country, the big yellow buses are already lengthening our morning commute. Here’s a squad of famous students (and one teacher) in honor of the beginning of the school year, lined up in a Marcelo Bielsa 3-3-1-3:
GK – Ralph Hinkley — Alright, Mr. Hinkley, the one-time Greatest American Hero, is technically a teacher, but someone’s got to mind the net while all the kids are out running around. Has no trouble claiming crosses since — believe it or not — he can walk on air.
LCB – Bill S. Preston, Esquire
CB – Marty McFly
RCB – Ted “Theodore” Logan — For all their general incompetence, our backline never seems to make a glaring error that leads directly to a goal. Plus, they’re good for morale, as Marty McFly and his Wyld Stallyns play concerts to entertain teammates.
LWB – Daniel La Russo — Something of a fish out of water on the left, La Russo still has the ability to parry opposing attacks down that flank. Plus, you can probably guess how he takes the team’s free kicks.
CDM – Squall Leonhart — Balaamb Garden’s finest, he can be a bit distant and a bit of an ass at times, but is a hard hitter in the center of the park.
RWB – Max Fischer — Overeager and slightly annoying perhaps, but his enthusiasm and involvement in all areas of the pitch makes him a valuable part of the squad.
CAM – Ender Wiggin — The youngest player on the pitch but still the captain and Fearless Leader. There’s no one better at manipulating space and opponents to draw them out and make them vulnerable to a killing stroke.
LW– Ferris Bueller — Strengths: Adaptation, improvisation, incredible instincts for getting out of trouble. Weaknesses: Bit of a ball-hog. Stops constantly to explain to the crowd exactly what he’s doing.
CF – Jimmy Chitwood — It may take him a while to round into form, but once he does his game is simple. He shoots; he scores.
RW – Stephen Dedalus — Unlike his counterpart on the opposite wing, Dedalus tends to be ponderous, pausing on the ball before making his move. Yet his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery, and he has the ability to fly by whatever nets the defense sets before him.