The Tuesday Ten

Endorsement Deals Edition

You can just tell by his look how ridiculous he thinks this is.

Over the weekend, we tweeted a joke about how Tim Howard’s orange jersey with the U.S. National Team and camouflage one with Everton make him a prime candidate for an endorsement with Cabela’s or Bass Pro Shop or some other hunting outfitter. That got the wheels turning, and we decided to come up with ten other soccer player endorsement deals that need to happen.

Juicy, indeed.

1. Bob Bradley for Juicy Couture – If anyone can pull off the Velour tracksuit, it’s our main man Skeletor.

2. Nigel de Jong for Allstate – You should have gotten Allstate to be better protected from mayhem, like him.

3. Xavi for Coca-Cola – On the pitch, he’s the pause that refreshes.

4. Thierry Henry for Nestle – Oh Henry! proved he’s no Butterfingers against Ireland, and while he’s sometimes had issues in Crunch time, his goal-scoring record has made him worth well over 100 Grand.

5. Johan Cruyff for Rosetta Stone – He’s perfect for this one, as he speaks Dutch, English and Spanish, none of them fluently.

6. Ezequiel Lavezzi for the T-Mobile Sidekick – At the beginning of last year I remember there being some doubt or confusion as to who was Batman and who was Robin. Not really anymore.

7. David De Gea for Krispy Kreme – For reasons too obvious to enumerate here.

Perfect choice for The Glass Man.

8. Arjen Robben for Pier 1 Imports – Like Robben, everything inside of one of their stores is breakable.

9. Gary Lineker for Hanes – An even better choice than Michael Jordan, in our opinion, as he’s sure to know whether any, erm, stain, washes out.

10. Peter Crouch for Virgin Atlantic – If his famous response to the question “What would you be if you weren’t a footballer?” isn’t worth an endorsement deal, I don’t know what is.

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