The Tuesday Ten

Halloween Costume Edition

With everyone’s favorite spooky holiday coming up next Monday, we thought we’d take the opportunity to give you some ideas for soccer-related Halloween get-ups. If you want, just put “Sexy” in front of each of the names and adjust accordingly.

1. The Dirk Kuyt – Recycle your costume from that time you were Sloth from “The Goonies.” Run around a lot.

The Francesc Satorra: Pretty easy, right?

2. The Francesc Satorra – Recycle your costume from that time you were Borat. Whenever possible, stand directly behind two people engaged in conversation and stare down at them dispassionately.

3. La Liga – Get some friends and all wear a Malaga, Bilbao, Villareal, etc. jerseys. Carry signs that say “We are the 90%.”

4. The Andy Carroll – Attach a fake ponytail. Drink a lot. Do nothing else.

The Carlos Tevez: Strike down upon thee with what? I don't know what you're talking about.

5. The Carlos Tevez – Go all out putting together a really awesome costume, like, for instance, Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction. Then, adamantly refuse to say anything relating to Ezekiel 25:17, any line from the movie, or anything in a Sam Jackson voice, and ignore anyone’s references to the movie.

6. The Pele – Wherever you end up going, try to charge them a cover before you’ll go in.

7. The David Beckham – Make a grand entrance wherever you’re going, then run off to one, two, or three other parties, returning each time more bummed out than the last.

Nicolas Anelka: The Incredible Sulk

8. The Hope Solo, Captain of the Millenium Falcon – One for the ladies: Black vest, blaster pistol, goalie gloves.

9. The Julio Baptista: Pick your favorite Beast: X-Men or Beauty and the…

10. Nicolas Anelka, The Incredible Sulk: Wear purple pants. Paint self green. Stand in the corner with your best pouty face.

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