Halloween Costume Edition
With everyone’s favorite spooky holiday coming up next Monday, we thought we’d take the opportunity to give you some ideas for soccer-related Halloween get-ups. If you want, just put “Sexy” in front of each of the names and adjust accordingly.
1. The Dirk Kuyt – Recycle your costume from that time you were Sloth from “The Goonies.” Run around a lot.
2. The Francesc Satorra – Recycle your costume from that time you were Borat. Whenever possible, stand directly behind two people engaged in conversation and stare down at them dispassionately.
3. La Liga – Get some friends and all wear a Malaga, Bilbao, Villareal, etc. jerseys. Carry signs that say “We are the 90%.”
4. The Andy Carroll – Attach a fake ponytail. Drink a lot. Do nothing else.
5. The Carlos Tevez – Go all out putting together a really awesome costume, like, for instance, Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction. Then, adamantly refuse to say anything relating to Ezekiel 25:17, any line from the movie, or anything in a Sam Jackson voice, and ignore anyone’s references to the movie.
6. The Pele – Wherever you end up going, try to charge them a cover before you’ll go in.
7. The David Beckham – Make a grand entrance wherever you’re going, then run off to one, two, or three other parties, returning each time more bummed out than the last.
8. The Hope Solo, Captain of the Millenium Falcon – One for the ladies: Black vest, blaster pistol, goalie gloves.
9. The Julio Baptista: Pick your favorite Beast: X-Men or Beauty and the…
10. Nicolas Anelka, The Incredible Sulk: Wear purple pants. Paint self green. Stand in the corner with your best pouty face.