Most Sensational, Inspirational, Celebrational, Muppetational Edition
Forget Thanksgiving. This week we’re honoring the release of the brand new Muppet movie with a line-up of our favorite furry or feathered puppet pals.
The Muppets are one-of-a-kind, endlessly creative, slightly manic, and a fantastic team to boot, so, naturally, we made them Total Footballers.
GK – Sam the Eagle — Top-notch goalkeeping. It is the American Way.
SW – Swedish Chef — Like any club team, our Muppet squad can have problems with the language barrier. Luckily the Swedish for “offside trap” is just “offffseede-a trep”
LB – Statler — (He’s the one without the mustache.) One of our two masters of the Dark Arts. No one draws more cards than him, except maybe his partner on the other flank.
RB – Waldorf — Fortunately he and Statler have Ms. Piggy between them. Otherwise we’d never keep them on opposite sides of the field.
LM – Dr. Bunsen — The good doctor is constantly inventing chances for our forwards.
CM – Animal — Our own little furry Johan Neeskens. He attacks the ball like a heat-seeking missile; all we have to do is wind him up and let him go.
RM – Beaker — Our Dutch-style midfield features a playmaker, a destroyer and a runner, with Beaker fulfilling the last role. He’s forever providing support to both the attack and defense in his own high energy way. For some reason, he’s also the player who always seems to get hit when they’re lined up in the wall.
LW – Kermit the Frog — Our Piet Keizer-like leader, his spindly limbs and surprising athleticism give him no end of dribbling moves with which to beat his opponent.
CF – The Great Gonzo — The Muppets’ mad genius takes on the Johan Cruyff role, always popping up on the field where he’s least expected and causing havoc with his unpredictably.
RW – Fozzie Bear — An interesting tactical wrinkle for the squad. Since Fozzie’s used to being the target of other Muppets’ jokes, of Statler and Waldorf’s barbs, of various pieces of thrown produce and rubber chickens, he plays here as a right-sided target forward, providing an outlet when Gonzo is helping work the ball through midfield and crashing the back to post to get on the end of long balls.