Go Ninja Go Ninja Go Edition
Yesterday, Dec. 5, was the national Day of the Ninja. To celebrate, we arranged some of our favorite shadow warriors into a Napoli-style, counter-attacking 3-4-3, capable of putting the ball in the back of the net before you even know what hit you.
GK – Haru – Typically we don’t go for the “Fat guy as goalie” joke, but we’re confident the Beverly Hills Ninja has the agility to succeed in the position.
LCB – Frank Dux – Our defense is built less on stealth and more on solid, tough guy type ninjas. Dux invented his own American form of ninjitsu, won a Kumite tournament, was played by Jean Claude Van Damme, and is apparently a real person to boot.
SW – Batman – He’s made our team once before, and as we said then, if his ninja-training can make him good at everything else ever, then it only follows that he’d be a star footballer too.
RCB – Scott James – Okay, so he’s really Chuck Norris, but even beyond that qualification, he single-handedly defeated a group of ninja terrorists led by his half-brother. You think Cristiano Ronaldo’s going to be a problem for him?
LWB – Snake Eyes – Does the grunt work here up and down the flank, just as he does for the G.I. Joes.
LCM – Shredder – His combination of strength, touch and agility makes him a formidable presence in the center of the field. He may not always get along with his midfield partner, but their contrasting styles are incredibly effective together.
RCM – Splinter – A little old, but since his game revolves around getting others involved he’s like having a coach on the field. Plus, he plays a valuable role as a mentor for four of our brightest U20 prospects.
RWB – Scorpion – Our Mortal Kombatant uses a well-placed harpoon anytime his man threatens to break away into the space left by his forward runs.
LW – Daredevil – The ninja-trained hero may not be able to see the action on the field, but his heightened senses give him super positional awareness.
CF – Hattori Hanzo – So much more than the swordsmith from Kill Bill, this ninja-samurai and part-time protector of the royal throne is basically the historical antecedent for everything you loved as a child. The historical Hanzo was supposedly a master spear-fighter, so it makes sense that he’s the tip of our attack.
RW – Ryu Hayabusa – The Ninja Gaiden star plays in what seems to be slow motion, and is renowned for his ability to take on and beat multiple defenders on the dribble.
We didn’t have a place for Vanilla Ice on the team, turns out he’s rubbish, but here’s a special bonus for you.