Presidents Day Edition
Yesterday was Presidents Day here in the U.S. (not that any of us got the day off), so to celebrate, we decided to assemble a lineup of the greatest men ever to hold the office, whether they were elected to the office, assumed it on the death of a predecessor, or were written into it.
GK – Abraham Lincoln – Tall, athletic and iron-willed. What more could you ask for?
LB – Chester A. Arthur – We took to Twitter to figure out the best possible presidential option at left back. We got back Grant (who played the role on this team), Truman, Polk, Van Buren and W. Bush, but the best answer came from @TheSquadPlayers: “No one born and raised in America can play the position well. It has been proven.” Lucky for the U.S. of A., we have Arthur, who everyone knows was actually born in Canada. (Good thing we’re past that kind of base political slander, huh?)
CB – Andrew Jackson – His stout, some would say brutal, defense ensures opposing strikers have a long, tearful walk back to their dressing room.
CB – James Monroe – Lets the opposition know right off that he feels he “owes it, therefore, to candor and to the amicable relations existing between the Presidents’ side and those opposition powers to declare that we should consider any attempt on their part to extend their system to any portion of this half of the field as dangerous to our peace and safety.”
RB – Thomas J. Whitmore – An inspirational leader in the dressing room who’s not afraid to get his hands dirty on the field of play either.
LM – John F. Kennedy – Spritely at 43, his (relatively) youthful energy on the flank helps assure the survival and success of our squad.
CM – James Marshall – Only recently took over this spot from our previous destroyer, Teddy Roosevelt. TR may have led the charge up San Juan Hill, but he never told Gary Oldman to get off his plane.
CM – Thomas Jefferson – This do-it-all footballing polymath is so versatile he’s moved from right back to the center of midfield, providing dynamism and plenty of ideas next to Marshall’s grit.
RM – Richard Nixon – On a team full of upstart citizens, he’s our cunning master of the dark arts.
Deep-lying forward – Josiah Bartlet – Isn’t afraid to get tough when he needs to be, but mostly his role is to use his off-the-charts football intelligence to dictate events around him.
CF – George Washington – Led his army across the Delaware, led the nation through its first years, led this team in scoring for three years running.