The Tuesday Ten

Looking for Work Edition

Option 11 is apparently Ninja Warrior. Thanks to WAATP for this photo.

As you know by now, everyone’s favorite Russian billionaire decided to celebrate the reelection of his good buddy Vladimir Putin by setting off some fireworks of his own inside Stamford Bridge, axing Chelsea’s young Portuguese manager Andre Villas-Boas after less than a season on the job.

We here at The Other 87 are sympathetic to AVB’s plight. Who wants to be jobless in this economy, especially in Europe? Fortunately for him, we’ve worked up a list of suggestions to consider for his next big career move.

1. Manager of Inter Milan. Why let a little thing like abject failure at Stamford Bridge stop him from becoming the next Mourinho?

2. The lead role in a London production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Roman Abramovich is already signed as Pontius Pilate.

3. Webmaster of hasrobertodimatteobeensackedyet.com. He’s also squatting on haspepguardiolabeensackedyet.com, hasjosemourinhobeensackedagainyet.com and hassvengoranerikssonfoundajobyet.com, just in case.

4. Manager of Shunderland, Shtoke, or Shouthhampton. Or, in a move that would make our dear Wes and possibly Tom Hanks extremely happy, he fulfills his destiny and becomes manager of the Aston Villas Boas. Or maybe Villasreal.

5. Farmer. Growing crops, you can usually get results after eight months.

6. Defense contractor. Designing jet fighters, you can get twenty years to tinker before you have to give results.

7. His old job. A return to his Porto of call, as it were.

8. San Francisco Giants catcher. Because they’ll need someone to crouch behind the plate once they move Buster Posey to first.

9. England manager. Think about it: He’s got youth at the back to play a high line, the kind of multi-functional midfielders to get a proper rotation between the three central spots, the same way he had at Porto, and wing options who can play as inverted or traditional wingers on either side of one of the world’s best strikers. That team is set up way better for him than Chelsea was.

10. Bruce Banner in the Avengers sequel. They replace Dr. Banner in every movie anyway, and AVB’s got plenty of background to draw from, since he too is only valuable because of the Hulk.

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