Tuesday Ten: Christ, We’re Old Edition

Ten Most Interesting Events in Soccer Since We Started As A Blog One Year Ago

1. US Women lost the World Cup to Japan. That World Cup run was amazing in many respects, but ultimately we were all left with that bitter feeling of not meeting expectations.

2. Messi became Barcelona’s All-Time Scoring Leader. Cue comparisons with Pele, Maradona, Jordan, Armstrong, Ruth, Dimaggio, Gretsky, and Phelps. None of them unjustified.

3. Cristiano Ronaldo goes a year without crashing his Ferrari. Wait did he? We’ll have to check on that one. Oh, he didn’t, but one did break down on him.

4. At least six Clasicos were played. UEFA drastically increases the quota for the number of yellow and red cards a ref must have on his body during a match.

5. Manchester City finally took its spot among the major players in the Premier League. Now if only a Saudi sheikh would buy out everyone else, it’d be the least bit fair.

6. Wayne Rooney got hair plugs. Well he had to spend that hard-fought and won contract money on something. Next up, fake biceps.

Translation: I really stink at life.

7. AC Milan broke the Inter Milan deadlock on the scudetto. The Italian FA opened a symbolic match-fixing investigation. #neverforget

8. Fernando Torres scored a goal. No really! I mean, we didn’t see it, but we heard from someone who did.

9. Neymar became the next Messi. And then is savagely outclassed during the Club World Cup by the old Messi, who hit the Brazilian with his walker and told him to get off his lawn.

10. The LA Galaxy won another MLS Cup, their first with David Beckham. To celebrate, they all went out drinking and revelling. Beckham suspiciously disappeared about 30 minutes before the bar tab appears.  

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