The Tuesday Ten

League of Extraordinary Footballers 2 Edition

In honor of the release of the Avengers, we’re going back into our well of comparisons for ten more superhero-to-soccer player matches.

1. Superhero: Nightwing
Alter Ego: Robin van Persie

Once Thierry Henry left Arsenal, this one-time sidekick had to step up and become a hero all of his own. Now will he follow his namesake in shedding the red tights this summer?

2. Superhero: Iron Man
Alter Ego: Cristiano Ronaldo

Billionaire? Give it time. Genius? In a limited sense of the word I suppose so. Playboy? Most definitely. Philanthropist? He probably believes it. Slap a suit of armor on him and who could tell the difference?

3. Superhero: Ms. Marvel
Alter ego: Abby Wambach

According to Wikipedia, her powers include, “superhuman strength, endurance, stamina, flight, physical durability, a limited precognitive ‘seventh sense’, and a perfectly amalgamated human/Kree physiology that rendered her resistant to most toxins and poisons, with the added effect of making her body virtually indestructible.” In other words, she’s probably almost as good as Abby.

4. Superhero: The Atom
Alter Ego: Andres Iniesta

His ability to shrink himself allows him to slip by tackles that would maim a normal-sized player, while his tiny stature gives him an understanding of the pitch on a molecular level.

5. Superhero: Captain Marvel
Alter Ego: Chelsea strikers

It was looking rough for young Chelsea. Their center forward was weak and ineffective, like an el niño playing with men.

Until…

Roman spoke his magic catchphrase, and suddenly there was a new striker in front of them. Big and powerful, capable of scoring in the air or with a free kick. Where did he come from? Will he still be leaving for China? Only time will tell…

6. Superhero: The Vision
Alter Ego: C.J. Sapong

Able to alter his density to become an immovable force on the ball up top or to ghost through defenders on the way to getting on the end of crosses.

7. Superhero: Thor
Alter Ego: Ola Toivonen

We’re just kind of guessing here. Looks like we’re smarter than Lois Lane ever was.

8. Superhero: The Black Cat
Alter Ego: Alex Morgan

Uses her super speed and amazing reflexes to steal a late goal time and time again.

9. Superhero: Dr. Strange
Alter Ego: Chris Wondolowski

Ten goals in nine games so far this season? Somebody’s got the magic touch.

10. Superhero: The Wonder Twins
Alter Ego: Thierry Henry and Kenny Cooper

When their powers combine, they are…wait, that’s the wrong one. Let’s just go to the tape:

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One Response to The Tuesday Ten

  1. Pingback: QWK KCKS: Filling Up the Goal | KCKRS

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