We here at The Other 87 get a lot of fan mail, and until recently we’ve been nervously stuffing it in the freezer like Andy from Parks and Recreation. But now that we’re pretty certain our parents aren’t the only people following this blog (Hi Big Mike, in Stateville, who writes us once a day!) we owe it to you, our readers, to answer the questions you thought only we could answer. I’m channeling Sally Field here…You like us! You really like us!
Okay, the truth is we don’t get any fan mail. But we’re not going to let that bother us. Instead, today’s feature is an exercise in self-delusion. We scoured all the search queries that led to our site and picked our absolute favorites (basically, anything that wasn’t a search for Ivan Drago or Fergie, not that there’s anything wrong with searching for Ivan Drago). While the names and places are fictionalized, each question below is an honest-to-God unedited Google referral.
Without further ado, the O87 Mailbag. Oh, and if you wanna email us questions in the future, hit us up at firstname.lastname@example.org.
How is babby formed?
Salvador Limones, Brentwood, Calif.
Whoa, looks like someone doesn’t believe in leading off with a softball question. I’m frightened to try to investigate how this might have led to our site, but we’re professionals here, so we’re going to do our best anyway.
Making a babby is a lot like scoring a goal. There’s only one way to do it — put the ball in the back of the net — but a lot of people have different styles. Some are patient and probing, using timing and slick moves to create a goal. Others just pump the ball forward as often as possible and try to knock it on frame. To counteract these styles, some teams pay money for a top-level goalie.
If he’s a good goalie and he’s used properly, then much of the time he’s going to block these shots, and sometimes they’ll miss entirely and make a mess in the stands. But every so often, the goalie gets caught out of position, or sometimes the goalie thinks he’s in good position to block the shot but it squirts through, and then you get to celebrate the miracle of scoring, and that 2-0 scoreline will, nine months later, become a 3-0.
How to win every game on football manager 2012?
Bill Rizer, Unnamed South American Island
Load game, answer no when it asks you to save, load last game, try again. There, that was easy.
Andrew Jackson national bank.
Pitfall Harry, The Amazon
Ahh, another one of these, some poor lost soul desperately searching for help for a presentation that’s due next period. Try this:
There, that cleared it all up, didn’t it?
Roy Hodgson wife.
Lance Bean, Same unnamed South American Island
Someone’s scraping the bottom of the WAG barrel, aren’t they?
Why can’t they stop diving in soccer?
Kin Korn Karn, Detroit, Michigan
As with any other societal problem, particularly one involving something as addictive as diving, it’s important to consider the big picture. What’s wrong with the lives or abilities of these players that they have to resort to diving? Why do our young players grow up thinking there’s no alternative to diving? Is it right that our referees fill their books with names of players just because they dove a little when so many greater offenses are going unpunished?
In other words, watch all five seasons of The Wire and call me in the morning.
Who is bo jackson?
Ryu Hayabusa, Eugene, Oregon
My reaction to this question was pretty much this, beginning at the 18 second mark: